One Year Ago....

It was one year ago today that my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  I can't believe it's only been a year.  This is truly the longest year of my life.  It seems like a lifetime ago that we got this news and that I watched this wonderful man fade away.  I still haven't had one tear free day yet.  I hope that will come soon.  I want to be able to talk about him and not cry.  The pain is so intense at times and other times it's there, but bearable.
My 18th wedding anniversary is this Sunday, I can still remember my wedding day and my Dad telling me dirty jokes right before we walked into the church.  He was so cute!  I didn't dance with him to Daddy's Little Girl, instead I danced with him to Wind Beneath my Wings.  He really is the angel in my life.  I miss him so much.  I still find myself picking up the phone to call him, I dial the number and just before I hit the last one, I remember, he's not there.  He'll never pick up the phone again.
I just want the hurt to go away.  I want him here.  I feel so lonely, I just want one more day with him.