Thursday, July 7, 2011

Loss and Trying to Get Back into the Crafty Groove...

It's been some time since I've posted.  I lost my Dad on June 13, 2011.  He was the one person in my life other than my husband and kids, who was always there for me.  I miss him every minute of every day.  I had no idea that a loss so profound as this would cause such collateral damage in my life.  It took the loss of my Dad to show me who really cares.  I had my light bulb moment in the days that followed his death.  People who I thought for sure would come to support me during this horrible time, completely walked away.  Others, friends who I haven't seen in years, let alone talk to, came and it was as if we didn't skip a beat.  My very best friend from childhood, got in her car, drove nine hours to be there for me.  But friends who live blocks aways couldn't even bother.  My bestest friend, Lisa, she was there in the darkest moments of my grief and for that I am forever grateful.  I have come to the realization that I have just invested too much in people.  I can't constantly go "all in", when there is absolutely NO attempt of their mutual reciprocation.  I am not friends with people in hopes to get something from them.  I choose my friends because they inspire me, they make me happy, they are interesting to me and I want to be a part of their life too.  They are good influences to me and we often might not share the same ideas, but its those differences that keep our relationship going and interesting.  I'm done.  I have a few friends that I'll hold onto for dear life until my last breath on this earth, but others, those I thought shared in my beliefs about our friendship are no longer in my life. 
It has been hard to get back into the crafting mood.  I find myself sitting at my craft table, with plenty to do, but just staring off into space.  I just miss my Dad.  I'm just bone sad.  I just want to have him back and make my life whole again.  I know that's not going to happen, but I can dream.  I'll get better.  Each day is a little easier.  I think acceptance is the hardest thing.  I can't just pick up the phone and call him.  I know he's ok, he's not suffering or in pain anymore but I'm selfish, I want him here.
I am hoping to get some crafty things done and posted real soon.  Thanks for listening.
My Dad!

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. What a great picture you posted of him! Lots of character in that smile!